Category: Self Care

Sometimes it feels like there is just too much pressure. Whether it is from the world, your job, your family, your friends, or just from yourself. This weight can really start to affect you physically, mentally, and emotionally. So sometimes we have to sit down, take a minute, and really think about which weights are worth carrying, and which ones it is time to let go of. Here are 5 things I’ve let go of for my self care.

Being the perfect wife, daughter, friend, etc.

A few months ago I really let my insecurities get in my head. I was obsessing about what the “perfect wife” for my husband would look like, act like, and do. And I was putting aside things that made me me, in order to achieve this. Not only was I not happy, but honestly my husband wasn’t happy either. He liked who I was and could tell that I wasn’t happy and was hiding myself.

Before this experience, I didn’t fully appreciate that he had picked me because of my differences, not in spite of them. My quest for becoming the “perfect wife” was putting useless and harmful pressure on me and our relationship. So I am letting it go. And trying to focus instead on the ways that I am already a great spouse to him, and how he is to me in return.

I know many other people have this same experience. Some have it with their spouse, and some have it with other relationships in their lives. By striving to be the perfect mother, daughter, or friend, you may be losing sight of the things that already make you a wonderful mother, daughter, friend, or anything else. And since no one can every truly be perfect you will never be fully happy if this is your goal. Most importantly, don’t lose sight of the fact that you as a person are good enough. You do not exist to fulfil a role in someone else’s life.

Keeping up with whatever the “New Joneses” are doing

Typically when people think of keeping up with the Joneses they think of buying fancy houses, cars, and clothing. But I don’t think this is as much of what people look up to and compare themselves to anymore. So we need to be aware of what the “New Joneses” look like and make sure that we aren’t falling into the same trap.

For me, I think the “New Joneses” are the people who have a beautiful large homestead, a spotless house, and gorgeous dinners on the table every night. But even though trying to keep up with this is a little different than trying to keep up with buying the fancy new cars to show off, it can still be extremely harmful. Especially when we only see the front that the “New Joneses” put out into the world and feel pressure that our whole picture should look like their front page. So I’m working on taking things one step at a time, closer to my goals and the things that I value, instead of trying to keep up with what these “New Joneses” are doing.

Following an outdated plan for my life

I have always been the kind to have a plan laid out for my life. And I had a different one at 16, 19, and 23. The only true constants between these plans has been that they didn’t actually work out how I thought, and after a couple years I wanted something different for my life. Sometimes I have held on to a plan for too long, even if it didn’t actually work for me anymore, just for the sake of “following the plan”.

I am working on letting go of this mindset for my own self care, but it is hard. I know that it is fear that makes me feel like I need to make a plan and follow it. But so many both wonderful and terrible things happen that we would never know to plan for. So we have to take it one step at a time. And let go of the idea that we have to follow a plan as we find our way in life.

Saying yes to everything

This is one that I’ve heard countless times. I didn’t really see the power of it until I applied it to my own life though. A few years ago, I worked at a job where you could basically have as much responsibility as you wanted, and if you always said yes, you would surely be overwhelmed. I was a young college student, eager to please, so I said yes to all the different opportunities that came my way. I nearly had a mental breakdown. And I felt like I didn’t have the time or energy for the things that were really important.

After this experience, I started being much more intentional with the things that I let into my life. And I acknowledge that it is impossible to be able to do everything that I would like to do. I recommend taking the time to write down your top 5-10 priorities, and looking at your life to make sure your time and energy are being put towards the things that actually matter to you.

Needing to stay busy

I feel like this one is a pressure that is especially felt by homemakers. When you are surrounded by your work, it makes it harder to separate work time from free time. But just because you work at home doesn’t mean that you aren’t deserving of time for self care.

I have also fallen into the trap of my hobbies needing to be “productive”. Like they needed to have a purpose other than simple enjoyment. This is such a sad perspective and prevented me from just enjoying things. So I am working on letting it go as well.

I hope that by sharing these 5 things I have let go of for my self care, it can encourage you to make the changes in your life you need to be happy and at peace. And let go of the things that weigh you down. Remember, it is never a bad thing to take care of yourself.

For most of my life, I have kept my hair very long. I like the old fashioned vibes and it helps me feel elegant. I’m definitely not perfect in my hair care routine, but I wanted to share with you the things that have helped me to grow and care for long hair. Disclaimer: I have naturally straight hair and know that other hair textures require different kinds of care than mine does. I just wanted to share a few things that have helped me personally, and I hope they can help you too.

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Use a good and gentle shampoo and conditioner

Many shampoos contain harsh ingredients that are hard on your hair, like sulfates. I recommend choosing a gentle shampoo with mostly natural ingredients. I use Hask Coconut Shampoo and Conditioner. It makes my hair so soft while still feeling clean, not to mention it smells amazing! Make sure to use a kind that works well for your hair type. My husband who has curly hair and often grows it long uses Maui Moisture Curl Quench. He also likes smelling nice and having soft hair.

Word of caution: I would highly recommend avoiding soap based shampoos. A few years ago, I tried a couple different kinds of soap based shampoos with very poor results. I was trying to find a “fully natural” shampoo where I knew what every single ingredient was. But all of the ones I tried were SO drying and really damaged my hair. After doing some reading I found out this is largely because the ph balance of the shampoos were very off. It took me about 3 years to fully recover my hair after using soap based shampoos less than 6 months, not a fun experience.

Don’t shampoo every day

This one is a big one if you want to grow and care for long hair. I personally only wash my hair once every 5-7 days and have found that my hair not only has adapted to not get as oily, but has also been way softer than it was when I washed my hair more frequently.

I understand people not wanting to jump right in to only washing their hair once a week, but hair definitely doesn’t need to be washed every day. So if you want to grow your hair longer and softer, try stretching how long you go before washing it. Start with every 2 days, then maybe push it back to 3 or 4. That being said, if you don’t wash your hair enough, the oil buildup can be hard on your scalp, so don’t go crazy. Just find what length between washes works best for your hair.

Limit heat styling

I know the picture has my hair curled in it… but it was for a special occasion. Typically I only use heat styling on my hair once a month or so. But if you currently heat style your hair every day, even cutting back to once a week can really help you see improvements. And washing your hair less will help you to preserve heat styling for multiple days. One of my favorite ways to cut down on heat styling is to try out no heat curling methods. I have tried quite a few and my favorites are hair curlers like this and bath robe tie curls which I will be publishing a post on soon.

Use hair masks and oils

I try to do a hair mask or oiling session a couple times a month. One of my favorites is warming up a couple tablespoons of coconut oil and mixing in some of your favorite essential oils. Rosemary and lavender essential oils can help support hair growth as well. Make sure the oil isn’t too hot and then apply it to your scalp, massage in, and comb throughout the length of your hair. I recommend leaving it on 20-60 minutes then washing it out. I have heard mixed reviews about whether is it good or bad to leave on overnight so I generally don’t. Other ingredients to put in diy hair masks include honey and mayo and I’ve had good success with both. If you prefer store bought masks this one by Shea Moisture is a great option.

Wear your hair in protective styles

This is one I learned from the curly hair community and it is fantastic advice for all hair types. Hairstyles like braids and buns can help to keep your hair from drying out, getting tangled, or getting caught on things. This is super important before going to sleep. I generally spray my hair down with this and then braid it back before going to sleep so that it will be nice and soft in the morning. Btw the spray smells even better than the shampoo.

Comb your hair gently and slowly

Use a wide tooth comb to gently go through your hair instead of frantically brushing it. When you brush and pull hard you can yank out so many of the beautiful hairs that you have been working to grow. This will set back your progress substantially when trying to grow and care for long hair. So just take some time to slow down as you comb your hair. This can be a great practice in mindful self care. The spray that I mentioned above can be really helpful for resolving tangles as well, making this an easier job.

Get a trim when you need it

I don’t personally trim my hair as much as is typically recommended. But every 6 months or so I do cut off a couple of inches to keep the ends in good health. And it always feels nice too. As your hair stops getting as much damage on a regular basis, it won’t need to be trimmed as much as it used to. But it does take time and patience to get there.

Those are my top tips for how to grow and care for long hair. I hope these tips help you to grow longer, stronger, and healthier hair!