Sometimes it feels like there is just too much pressure. Whether it is from the world, your job, your family, your friends, or just from yourself. This weight can really start to affect you physically, mentally, and emotionally. So sometimes we have to sit down, take a minute, and really think about which weights are worth carrying, and which ones it is time to let go of. Here are 5 things I’ve let go of for my self care.
Being the perfect wife, daughter, friend, etc.
A few months ago I really let my insecurities get in my head. I was obsessing about what the “perfect wife” for my husband would look like, act like, and do. And I was putting aside things that made me me, in order to achieve this. Not only was I not happy, but honestly my husband wasn’t happy either. He liked who I was and could tell that I wasn’t happy and was hiding myself.
Before this experience, I didn’t fully appreciate that he had picked me because of my differences, not in spite of them. My quest for becoming the “perfect wife” was putting useless and harmful pressure on me and our relationship. So I am letting it go. And trying to focus instead on the ways that I am already a great spouse to him, and how he is to me in return.
I know many other people have this same experience. Some have it with their spouse, and some have it with other relationships in their lives. By striving to be the perfect mother, daughter, or friend, you may be losing sight of the things that already make you a wonderful mother, daughter, friend, or anything else. And since no one can every truly be perfect you will never be fully happy if this is your goal. Most importantly, don’t lose sight of the fact that you as a person are good enough. You do not exist to fulfil a role in someone else’s life.
Keeping up with whatever the “New Joneses” are doing
Typically when people think of keeping up with the Joneses they think of buying fancy houses, cars, and clothing. But I don’t think this is as much of what people look up to and compare themselves to anymore. So we need to be aware of what the “New Joneses” look like and make sure that we aren’t falling into the same trap.
For me, I think the “New Joneses” are the people who have a beautiful large homestead, a spotless house, and gorgeous dinners on the table every night. But even though trying to keep up with this is a little different than trying to keep up with buying the fancy new cars to show off, it can still be extremely harmful. Especially when we only see the front that the “New Joneses” put out into the world and feel pressure that our whole picture should look like their front page. So I’m working on taking things one step at a time, closer to my goals and the things that I value, instead of trying to keep up with what these “New Joneses” are doing.
Following an outdated plan for my life
I have always been the kind to have a plan laid out for my life. And I had a different one at 16, 19, and 23. The only true constants between these plans has been that they didn’t actually work out how I thought, and after a couple years I wanted something different for my life. Sometimes I have held on to a plan for too long, even if it didn’t actually work for me anymore, just for the sake of “following the plan”.
I am working on letting go of this mindset for my own self care, but it is hard. I know that it is fear that makes me feel like I need to make a plan and follow it. But so many both wonderful and terrible things happen that we would never know to plan for. So we have to take it one step at a time. And let go of the idea that we have to follow a plan as we find our way in life.
Saying yes to everything
This is one that I’ve heard countless times. I didn’t really see the power of it until I applied it to my own life though. A few years ago, I worked at a job where you could basically have as much responsibility as you wanted, and if you always said yes, you would surely be overwhelmed. I was a young college student, eager to please, so I said yes to all the different opportunities that came my way. I nearly had a mental breakdown. And I felt like I didn’t have the time or energy for the things that were really important.
After this experience, I started being much more intentional with the things that I let into my life. And I acknowledge that it is impossible to be able to do everything that I would like to do. I recommend taking the time to write down your top 5-10 priorities, and looking at your life to make sure your time and energy are being put towards the things that actually matter to you.
Needing to stay busy
I feel like this one is a pressure that is especially felt by homemakers. When you are surrounded by your work, it makes it harder to separate work time from free time. But just because you work at home doesn’t mean that you aren’t deserving of time for self care.
I have also fallen into the trap of my hobbies needing to be “productive”. Like they needed to have a purpose other than simple enjoyment. This is such a sad perspective and prevented me from just enjoying things. So I am working on letting it go as well.
I hope that by sharing these 5 things I have let go of for my self care, it can encourage you to make the changes in your life you need to be happy and at peace. And let go of the things that weigh you down. Remember, it is never a bad thing to take care of yourself.