Month: May 2023

On May 20, 2023

In Self Care

Sometimes it feels like there is just too much pressure. Whether it is from the world, your job, your family, your friends, or just from yourself. This weight can really start to affect you physically, mentally, and emotionally. So sometimes we have to sit down, take a minute, and really think about which weights are worth carrying, and which ones it is time to let go of. Here are 5 things I’ve let go of for my self care.

Being the perfect wife, daughter, friend, etc.

A few months ago I really let my insecurities get in my head. I was obsessing about what the “perfect wife” for my husband would look like, act like, and do. And I was putting aside things that made me me, in order to achieve this. Not only was I not happy, but honestly my husband wasn’t happy either. He liked who I was and could tell that I wasn’t happy and was hiding myself.

Before this experience, I didn’t fully appreciate that he had picked me because of my differences, not in spite of them. My quest for becoming the “perfect wife” was putting useless and harmful pressure on me and our relationship. So I am letting it go. And trying to focus instead on the ways that I am already a great spouse to him, and how he is to me in return.

I know many other people have this same experience. Some have it with their spouse, and some have it with other relationships in their lives. By striving to be the perfect mother, daughter, or friend, you may be losing sight of the things that already make you a wonderful mother, daughter, friend, or anything else. And since no one can every truly be perfect you will never be fully happy if this is your goal. Most importantly, don’t lose sight of the fact that you as a person are good enough. You do not exist to fulfil a role in someone else’s life.

Keeping up with whatever the “New Joneses” are doing

Typically when people think of keeping up with the Joneses they think of buying fancy houses, cars, and clothing. But I don’t think this is as much of what people look up to and compare themselves to anymore. So we need to be aware of what the “New Joneses” look like and make sure that we aren’t falling into the same trap.

For me, I think the “New Joneses” are the people who have a beautiful large homestead, a spotless house, and gorgeous dinners on the table every night. But even though trying to keep up with this is a little different than trying to keep up with buying the fancy new cars to show off, it can still be extremely harmful. Especially when we only see the front that the “New Joneses” put out into the world and feel pressure that our whole picture should look like their front page. So I’m working on taking things one step at a time, closer to my goals and the things that I value, instead of trying to keep up with what these “New Joneses” are doing.

Following an outdated plan for my life

I have always been the kind to have a plan laid out for my life. And I had a different one at 16, 19, and 23. The only true constants between these plans has been that they didn’t actually work out how I thought, and after a couple years I wanted something different for my life. Sometimes I have held on to a plan for too long, even if it didn’t actually work for me anymore, just for the sake of “following the plan”.

I am working on letting go of this mindset for my own self care, but it is hard. I know that it is fear that makes me feel like I need to make a plan and follow it. But so many both wonderful and terrible things happen that we would never know to plan for. So we have to take it one step at a time. And let go of the idea that we have to follow a plan as we find our way in life.

Saying yes to everything

This is one that I’ve heard countless times. I didn’t really see the power of it until I applied it to my own life though. A few years ago, I worked at a job where you could basically have as much responsibility as you wanted, and if you always said yes, you would surely be overwhelmed. I was a young college student, eager to please, so I said yes to all the different opportunities that came my way. I nearly had a mental breakdown. And I felt like I didn’t have the time or energy for the things that were really important.

After this experience, I started being much more intentional with the things that I let into my life. And I acknowledge that it is impossible to be able to do everything that I would like to do. I recommend taking the time to write down your top 5-10 priorities, and looking at your life to make sure your time and energy are being put towards the things that actually matter to you.

Needing to stay busy

I feel like this one is a pressure that is especially felt by homemakers. When you are surrounded by your work, it makes it harder to separate work time from free time. But just because you work at home doesn’t mean that you aren’t deserving of time for self care.

I have also fallen into the trap of my hobbies needing to be “productive”. Like they needed to have a purpose other than simple enjoyment. This is such a sad perspective and prevented me from just enjoying things. So I am working on letting it go as well.

I hope that by sharing these 5 things I have let go of for my self care, it can encourage you to make the changes in your life you need to be happy and at peace. And let go of the things that weigh you down. Remember, it is never a bad thing to take care of yourself.

How to Grow and Care for Long Hair

On May 14, 2023

In Self Care

For most of my life, I have kept my hair very long. I like the old fashioned vibes and it helps me feel elegant. I’m definitely not perfect in my hair care routine, but I wanted to share with you the things that have helped me to grow and care for long hair. Disclaimer: I have naturally straight hair and know that other hair textures require different kinds of care than mine does. I just wanted to share a few things that have helped me personally, and I hope they can help you too.

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Use a good and gentle shampoo and conditioner

Many shampoos contain harsh ingredients that are hard on your hair, like sulfates. I recommend choosing a gentle shampoo with mostly natural ingredients. I use Hask Coconut Shampoo and Conditioner. It makes my hair so soft while still feeling clean, not to mention it smells amazing! Make sure to use a kind that works well for your hair type. My husband who has curly hair and often grows it long uses Maui Moisture Curl Quench. He also likes smelling nice and having soft hair.

Word of caution: I would highly recommend avoiding soap based shampoos. A few years ago, I tried a couple different kinds of soap based shampoos with very poor results. I was trying to find a “fully natural” shampoo where I knew what every single ingredient was. But all of the ones I tried were SO drying and really damaged my hair. After doing some reading I found out this is largely because the ph balance of the shampoos were very off. It took me about 3 years to fully recover my hair after using soap based shampoos less than 6 months, not a fun experience.

Don’t shampoo every day

This one is a big one if you want to grow and care for long hair. I personally only wash my hair once every 5-7 days and have found that my hair not only has adapted to not get as oily, but has also been way softer than it was when I washed my hair more frequently.

I understand people not wanting to jump right in to only washing their hair once a week, but hair definitely doesn’t need to be washed every day. So if you want to grow your hair longer and softer, try stretching how long you go before washing it. Start with every 2 days, then maybe push it back to 3 or 4. That being said, if you don’t wash your hair enough, the oil buildup can be hard on your scalp, so don’t go crazy. Just find what length between washes works best for your hair.

Limit heat styling

I know the picture has my hair curled in it… but it was for a special occasion. Typically I only use heat styling on my hair once a month or so. But if you currently heat style your hair every day, even cutting back to once a week can really help you see improvements. And washing your hair less will help you to preserve heat styling for multiple days. One of my favorite ways to cut down on heat styling is to try out no heat curling methods. I have tried quite a few and my favorites are hair curlers like this and bath robe tie curls which I will be publishing a post on soon.

Use hair masks and oils

I try to do a hair mask or oiling session a couple times a month. One of my favorites is warming up a couple tablespoons of coconut oil and mixing in some of your favorite essential oils. Rosemary and lavender essential oils can help support hair growth as well. Make sure the oil isn’t too hot and then apply it to your scalp, massage in, and comb throughout the length of your hair. I recommend leaving it on 20-60 minutes then washing it out. I have heard mixed reviews about whether is it good or bad to leave on overnight so I generally don’t. Other ingredients to put in diy hair masks include honey and mayo and I’ve had good success with both. If you prefer store bought masks this one by Shea Moisture is a great option.

Wear your hair in protective styles

This is one I learned from the curly hair community and it is fantastic advice for all hair types. Hairstyles like braids and buns can help to keep your hair from drying out, getting tangled, or getting caught on things. This is super important before going to sleep. I generally spray my hair down with this and then braid it back before going to sleep so that it will be nice and soft in the morning. Btw the spray smells even better than the shampoo.

Comb your hair gently and slowly

Use a wide tooth comb to gently go through your hair instead of frantically brushing it. When you brush and pull hard you can yank out so many of the beautiful hairs that you have been working to grow. This will set back your progress substantially when trying to grow and care for long hair. So just take some time to slow down as you comb your hair. This can be a great practice in mindful self care. The spray that I mentioned above can be really helpful for resolving tangles as well, making this an easier job.

Get a trim when you need it

I don’t personally trim my hair as much as is typically recommended. But every 6 months or so I do cut off a couple of inches to keep the ends in good health. And it always feels nice too. As your hair stops getting as much damage on a regular basis, it won’t need to be trimmed as much as it used to. But it does take time and patience to get there.

Those are my top tips for how to grow and care for long hair. I hope these tips help you to grow longer, stronger, and healthier hair!

Homemaking for Busy People

I don’t always love home management but I love homemaking. I am distinguishing between these two terms because I believe that homemaking is the art of making a house feel like a home whereas home management is all of the tasks that keep a household running, including things like budgeting and meal planning. So homemaking is a part of home management, and for me, the most enjoyable part. Like I’m sure many of you do as well, I tend to romanticize homemaking with images, feelings, and smells of things like thick warm quilts, pies baking in the oven, and apple picking with my husband. So for this section the focus is on JOY! Here are a few things I’ve learned in my journey.

Work with where you are

This one has always been hard for me. I have been dreaming of my own house for years but we have yet to make it a reality. In the past, me and my husband were living in an apartment in a small city. Here we had a couple of bedrooms and bathrooms, as well as our own living room and kitchen. But a couple of years ago, we made the difficult decision to move back into my parent’s home in order to save money to eventually buy our own house. Here “our space” consists of a small bedroom where we have our bed, as well as a bean bag and tv set to function as our “living room”. The kitchen is ultimately my moms, but we can use it as we need. And the bathrooms are all shared. This has pushed me immensely to rethink my ideas around homemaking.

Ultimately homemaking is about making the most of where your are living right now, whatever that looks like. So if all you have to work with is one room, do your best to make it work. In some ways this forces you to focus on the area that would make the most of a difference to you anyways.

Embrace cooking delicious meals

When you are very busy, it can be hard to find time to dedicate to making your house feel like a home. But ultimately people need to eat. And your options are to get premade or takeout food, or cook something at home. The first two may be quicker but if those are your go to all day every day, it will end up costing you a ton and isn’t exactly feasible.

So embrace cooking at home, and try to make the best of it. Even if it is just a few times a week, try and get lost in the romance of cooking a delicious meal. This does not have to mean a difficult or time consuming dinner, just something that tastes great and can give you that sense of accomplishment and fill the house with beautiful smells. You may think you aren’t good enough of a cook. I promise that the path to becoming a great cook is simply one made by practice. Since I have embraced cooking as a hobby, I have turned a chore into something I truly enjoy.

Try out baking

That is if you haven’t already. Baking is one of the easiest ways to make your environment feel like home because the beautiful smells of fresh baked goods and warm comforting taste are truly hard to beat. I would recommend starting with something easy such as chocolate chip oatmeal cookies or a basic white bread. Stay tuned for my recipes on these. Another great thing about bread is that the vast majority of the time it takes to make it is just time spent waiting. It takes maybe ten minutes of engaged work, the rest is all the yeast and the oven. There is also something nice about ditching the consumer culture and making your own bread at home.

Decorate your space

Decorate your space with things that make you happy and remind you of wonderful memories. Be intentional. In our room, we don’t have too many decorations out but the ones that we do, we love. We have a wedding picture, a woodcarving we got on our first vacation together, a blanket from my husband’s grandmother on our bed, and some other things that we love. These small things make it feel not just like a home, but our home.

Do things out of joy, not obligation

Some people love sewing, others don’t. The same goes for gardening. These are two things commonly associated with homemaking. But they aren’t necessary. So especially when you have a limited time to spend on homemaking, don’t waste it on things that won’t actually make you or your family happy. Instead of doing things out of obligation, do the homemaking tasks that genuinely bring you joy, I promise that will be enough.

Check out the other posts in the Home Management for Busy People Series:

I hope you that homemaking brings you the same kind of joy that it has brought me.

Managing Everyday Chores for Busy People

Everyone has dishes and laundry, they are pretty unavoidable. And all spaces need to be cleaned up occasionally. I’ve found that these things weigh on me when they get out of control, and it is worth prioritizing the time to keep up on them. Here are a few tips I have for making it easier to manage everyday chores when life is extra busy.

Focus on the most important areas

While I was going to school, this meant to always keep my studying area clean. That way I had a nice place to focus without having the distraction of clutter around me. Now this has transitioned to keeping my living room clean because that is where my husband and I spend the most time at home now. So if you spend majority of your time in your bedroom for instance, taking care of it first can make a bigger difference in your life than another room.

Involve kids in age appropriate chores

If you have children, involve them in everyday chores that are appropriate for their ages. This will help ease the work load while also teaching your children important life skills. They will need these skills when living on their own in the future. Many college kids struggle when they move out and no longer have their cooking and laundry done by their mother. The kids who helped with family chores have one less learning curve when going to college which is really helpful.

Load directly into the dishwasher

If at all possible, load dishes directly into the dishwasher after eating and rinsing them off. Run it at convenient times like overnight or when you leave for work even if it isn’t 100% full. This way it gets done and will have room for the dishes from the next meal. Leaving them in the sink often leads to them building up and causing stress. When cooking, try and load dishes as you finish with them.

Keep cleaning supplies accessible

Keep cleaning supplies in an easy to access place so that you can quickly take care of messes as needed. This looks like keeping a spray bottle of cleaner and rag underneath the bathroom sink, keeping washcloths or “unpaper towels” in a basket or roll on the kitchen counter, and keeping a laundry basket anywhere that people normally undress, like the bedroom and bathroom. In general, people are much more likely to wipe down the countertops when there are washcloths within reach.

Clean as you go

Along the lines of the previous tip, try to clean up messes as they happen instead of putting it off until later. If possible wash the prep dishes from dinner as it is cooking and wipe up spills on counters immediately. This way you will not have to come back to these messes later in the day or week. Sometimes the hardest part about cleaning up is the mental overhead of starting and this trick can help avoid that feeling.

Fold or hang up only what you want or need

This tip may be a bit controversial… but in my opinion, when you are really busy and stressed, worrying about folding and putting away all your laundry may not be worth it. Sometimes just having separate baskets for clean clothes, dirty clothes, and clothes to wear again before washing is enough for items that don’t show wrinkles easily. Unless this is a specific priority for you, feel free to let it go without guilt.

Check out the other posts in the Home Management for Busy People Series:

Ultimately decide on the everyday chores that are most important for you and your family to have done, prioritize them, and let the others go occasionally.

Meal Planning for Busy People

Meal planning is such a huge part of home management because people have to eat several times a day and if you aren’t prepared for that, it could cost you way more time and money than it needs to. If you have checked out my previous post, Budgeting for Busy People, and put together a budget, you can now decide how to spend the money that you allocated for food. Here are a few things I have learned in my meal planning journey.

Involve the people you live with

This is going to look different based on whether you life alone, with roommates, or a family. If you live with roommates, a system of switching off making food and sharing the cost of groceries between them can work really well if you get along. This can cut down on the cost of food as well as the work taken in preparing the food. Just make sure that it evens out and is fair for everyone involved, don’t get taken advantage of.

If you are married or have a family this looks a little different. Make sure to include your spouse and kids in plans for every meal to make sure you all have something to eat. And then split up who is cooking what depending on your workloads, schedules, and preferences. When cooking, don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it and definitely involve kids in age appropriate tasks, they will learn valuable skills.

Write down a basic plan

Actually write down your meal plan before going grocery shopping. For breakfasts and lunches you can write down a couple ideas each for the week but for dinners it helps to know what you are eating each day. If you are planning on leftovers or eating out some nights you can note that instead. Don’t forget to include snacks and drinks in your plan. By doing this before going to the store, you can have a faster, easier, and less expensive trip. And when you plan in advance you can limit your grocery shopping to once a week or less.

Rely on simple meals and batch cooking

Its hard to find time to cook elaborate meals all the time while trying to focus on work or classes. Have a few easy, quick meals you can pull from when you need to. Some of our favorites are basic pasta with pre-made sauce, cheese, and spinach, simple ham fried rice, and breakfast-for-dinner. For the bigger meals, we generally make enough to eat again the next day. You can also always make a large batch and then freeze it in individual portions to eat later.

Try a rotating meal plan or theme days

A rotating meal plan is basically just a list of meals that you enjoy that you rotate through every month or two. This takes the decision making out of meal planning each week which can really help make things easier. Another option is to have themed days such as “Meatless Mondays” or “Pasta Fridays”. This gives you a general idea for the kind of food to pick each day which also helps the plan come together fast.

Stay tuned for posts on some of my favorite recipes to include in your meal plans.

Check out the other posts in the Home Management for Busy People Series:

Enjoy the good food ahead of you, it will be worth it.

Budgeting Tips for Busy People

In Frugal Living

It seems like the hardest times to budget and manage our money is when we need it the most. For me, during college was when it was the most important for me to budget, but also the most difficult due to a busy schedule and other obligations. Remember that budgeting is going to look different depending on your current circumstances but can almost always help you improve your financial situation. This is by no means a detailed tutorial on how to budget, although there are many good resources on the internet to help with that. Instead, these are a few tips that helped me make budgeting easier during the busiest times in my life.

Disclaimer: I am not a financial advisor or a professional for this topic. These are just some things I’ve found helpful when budgeting in my personal life.

Find a consistent time to budget

Time management is hard when you are juggling many things, but this doesn’t have to take long. I generally budget for the coming month sometime on the last Sunday of the previous month. Having a set time helps it get done without it hanging over your head and causing more stress. And the more practice you have, the less time it will take.

Decide if you prefer to budget on paper or on a computer

I’d recommend trying both out a bit before picking one. On paper you can use a simple notebook and keep one column for income and one for expenses for the month then calculate the totals using a calculator. Some people prefer this method because of the simplistic and tangible feeling to it. And it can also be a great addition to bullet journals if that is something you enjoy. Personally I use a computer and a program like Google Sheets. There are pre-made templates available but honestly if you just put one column for income labels, one for income amounts, one for expenses labels, and one for expenses amounts you can have the program automatically calculate the totals for you. And then you can see the difference between the two and adapt your budget as needed, with it updating real time.

Keep a separate list of non-monthly income and expenses

This one is so incredibly important for college students. It’s where tuition, scholarships, grants, and student loans are recorded. As well as some car insurance and other bills for both those in and out of school. Also include amounts for non-monthly expenses for things that aren’t bills, like money for new tires. Calculate how much you need to set aside to pay for irregular expenses after irregular income has been deducted from them and include these amounts in your monthly budget. Also if you are a student and don’t already file your FAFSA, I am begging you to start, it can be a complete game changer for making school affordable.

Be prepared for emergencies

Try and set aside some money every month in a separate emergency fund for unexpected emergency expenses. Maybe your car breaks down or you need new tires, or you have a hospital bill. Bad stuff happens, it’s easier to bounce back from it if you have a little cushion in an emergency fund. Ideally this would be 3-6 months worth of expenses but a good place to start working toward would be $500-$1000.

Include some fun money but make sure to prioritize necessities

Decide on an amount to give yourself to pay for fun things for the month, like outings with friends or dates with your spouse. If you don’t plan on this beforehand, you will likely spend it anyways and may spend much more that intended. Ultimately make sure this amount isn’t going to interfere with you making your rent / mortgage payment or being able to buy food. Sometimes you won’t have much extra, if any, after expenses but try to make the most of what you do have.

Check out my other post about my favorite ways to save money and stay tuned for another on cheap date ideas to help maximize your budget.

Check out the other posts in the Home Management for Busy People Series:

Remember to give yourself grace when you aren’t perfect at budgeting. Like everything else, it just takes practice and will get easier with time.

Home Management Tips for Busy People